even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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