We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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