She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
