Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
