I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
