coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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