fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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