I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Couch. On fire.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
