Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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