Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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