...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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