Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
