Someone shit on the floor
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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