He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's blow job season.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
