i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
