I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
