So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
