guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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