my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
