he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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