Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
