She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
