when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
