umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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