just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
where are my eyebrows?
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