No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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