Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
