Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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