I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
