I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
