the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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