I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
