found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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