apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize