tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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