walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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