We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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