census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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