Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse

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(630): View more from Illinois

My bed smells like naked

(414): View more from Wisconsin

Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes

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(210): View more from Texas

It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

(612): View more from Minnesota

I didnt dude, i swear!

(952): View more from Minnesota

either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

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(+61): View more from Australia

we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.

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(765): View more from Indiana

He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.

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(513): View more from Ohio

2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

We will go to karaoke

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me

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(206): View more from Washington

you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?

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