when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
