I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
