maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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