why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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