there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
