I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
