flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
