I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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