My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
