I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
