I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
