ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
