Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
