drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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