The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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