He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
