The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize