A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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