So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
