There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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