I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
