I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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