I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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