your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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