She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
