I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's shark week go big or go home
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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