yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
