so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
