I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
