how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
