Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
