Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
