I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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