Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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