why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
