i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
