My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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