you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
