put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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