So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
