dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
