I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
