Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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